you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
