I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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