Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize