theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
