walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
