I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
