a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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