oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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