I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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