I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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