i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
