I'm so fucking centered right now
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Randomize
