Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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