Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
