Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
