I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
