I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
