dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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