the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
