we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
