You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
