I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
