If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
