I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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