So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
