I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
