It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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