Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
