last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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