i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
