i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
