Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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