For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
