Dude my mom stole all your condoms
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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