i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude i'm inner monologue high
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
