Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
