I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
