Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize