I heard we made out
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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