i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
