I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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