Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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