You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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