I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
