Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
