just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize