Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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