as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
