Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
