I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
