3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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