No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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