It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i now understand why vodka
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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