I want to walk on stilts...naked
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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