Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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