ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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