Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
