OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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