Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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