Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
