I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
