i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
