pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
