i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
