i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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