I love black thongs
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We have started to decorate penises.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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