meet me or not, i'm out of control
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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