his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
