You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
