He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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