the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
