You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Your penis caused this!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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