Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
