The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
