census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
