Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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